I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
