There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I could make wine with my vomit
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
