it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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