Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize