Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
