I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
