I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
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It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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