Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
