Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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