I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
