Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
