I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize