Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to align my fucking chakras
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