Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my shit smells like andre
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
