Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
