we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
two words: eviction party
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we're so committed to being not committed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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