Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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