dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
