whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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