No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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