I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
