left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
