I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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