Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
