i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
