i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
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IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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