Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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