he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just blew my weed a kiss
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
