i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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