Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
