you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
