i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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