3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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