i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
