She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My vagina just recognized that song.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world