Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet