A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.