if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial