you told grandpa to call you daddy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.