The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.