I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
