who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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