i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize