there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
