Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
