We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
