The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
