Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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