In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
