sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
