I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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