I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize