Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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