Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
