sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
