So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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