i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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