So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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