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At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
