There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
