Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
