There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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