Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
