So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
