we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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