So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize