I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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