Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
